If there's one thing in this world that I'll never figure out, that would be why my aunt gives me the impression ALL THE TIME that she loves me a lot less than my siblings.

Tonight my brother asked me if I'd be moving to our new place, and I found out that she told him he didn't have to pay a cent, and he added she said my sis is not interested to move in.. "free one she also don't want" in her own words. Now, isn't that unfair that she wants me to pay her $150 every month for the household maintenance? That's on top of rental she'll be collecting from the one room she's renting out. How come I'm the only one of the 3 paying!?

That strings along several other incidents that I've tried to brush off, but each event still inflicted the same heartache all the same. Just like how she went to HK and told me she got her daughter and my sister bags but didn't buy one for me "because all your bags are in the thousands, I don't think you'll appreciate it if the bag only cost a few hundreds". WHAAT? How come it doesn't even sound consoling to me?! And who the hell told you I wouldn't appreciate bags that cost less than a thousand dollars when I've been carrying a $30 handbag to work everyday? If you thought telling me that would make me feel better that I'm forgotten, I'm telling you it hurts. I don't mean to compare, but some things are better left unsaid and unknown.

And what about the time you told me I should be prepared for wear and tear, in defence of my sis ruining my bag? You know what, that's total bullshit because if not for my love and respect for you, I would have turned the world upside down. I was infuriated, and I believe I still am,if not because whatever you told me kept replaying in my head like a broken tape recorder. "You chose to buy this colour, you must be prepared for wear and tear, it's inevitable". Well, it's not! Like I've emphasized, I took great pains to look after the bag for 2 years, and all that went down the drain when she took it away for 2 weeks! Why shouldn't I have the right to be angry? And why do you have to protect her at my expense? How would you like it if your tenant ruins your furniture or stained the walls and I tell you, "well, from the time you rented out the place, you should be prepared for wear and tear?" Even that's not as bad because you get to forfeit their deposit if anything in the house is ruined.

The worst has got to be you telling the fucking world my problems. Don't you even spare a thought for my feelings? And how do you think I felt when my brother asked me about the incident? Oh, and how did he know about it? Apparently, my cousin traveled halfway round Singapore to Sentosa and told him about it. PERFECT! I don't know how that translates to you being concerned for my happiness when everyone sees him in a different light now. Forgive, forget and give 2nd chances. If you could do that to anyone you love, why not me? Why don't you wish me happiness although you think things wouldn't work out? That's what I'd call unconditional love but you tell me that you'd never want to hang out with us ever again. Not forgetting the time you showed your displeasure by not wanting to take the bag to dinner which I've collected for you, despite arrangements being so inconvenient. I was hurt. I just wanted to be happy, even if it's not the wisest decision. I know how you detest it, but I honestly don't know how to let go.

At work, things have been going great for me, the director appreciates me and it feels good to sign my initials on every letter of employment, promotion, termination, warning letter, company memos etc. It feels even better to be at board meetings and then be asked "Do you need an assistant?". Yes, things are happening for me, at a whirlwind rate and it's overwhelming, yet I'm loving every minute of it. There's a part of me who feels so proud, but yet my family isn't celebrating with me. The irony is that at work, people think I am good enough but at home, you make me feel that I'll never match up. And it's why I don't feel the point in sharing good news anymore. And it's also why I am so driven to get whatever I want even if the rest of you get the impression I am condescending. I make sure I feel doubly proud of my achievement.

That said, when you rushed down with just one phone-call from me to pack my things and encouraged me to be strong and leave, I promised God I'll never let you down like that again and I must be happy so that you wouldn't worry about me. I still want to keep that promise.